You Name It, I Have It!

Dear hubby:

I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever..
I’ve been a good woman to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it.
These last 2 weeks have been hell.
Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut,
had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk dress.
You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your games.
You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want anything that connects us as husband & wife.
Either you are cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.

Your EX-Wife
P.S. don’t try to find me. Your BROTHER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Dear Ex-Wife

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It’s true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you’ve been.
I watch my games so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping Too bad that doesn’t work.
I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was
‘You look just like a boy!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago.
About those new silk dress: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them,
& I prayed it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars,
I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted.
My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me.
So take care.

Signed,
Your Ex-Husband, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my brother Carl was born Carla(woman)………I hope that’s not a problem

Employee:    Excuse me sir, may I talk to you?
Boss:            Sure, come on in.   What can I do for you?

Employee:    Well sir, as you know, I have been an employee of this prestigious firm for over ten years.
Boss:            Yes.

Employee:    I won’t beat around the bush.   Sir, I would like a raise. I currently have four companies after me and so I decided to talk to you first.

Boss:            A raise?   I would love to give you a raise, but this is just not the right time.

Employee:    I understand your position, and I know that the current economic down turn has had a negative impact on sales, but you must also take into consideration my hard work, pro- activeness and loyalty to this company for over a decade.

Boss:            Taking into account these factors, and considering I don’t want to start a brain drain, I’m willing to offer you a ten percent raise and an extra five days of vacation time.  How does that sound?

Employee:    Great!   It’s a deal!   Thank you, sir!

Boss:            Before you go, just out of curiosity, what companies were after you?

Employee:    Oh, the Electric Company, Gas Company, Water Company and the Mortgage Company.